Sometimes It Is Possible That An Affair Could Be Happening In Your Marriage But Is It Just A Love Less Marriage Only???
So many people want to know how to cope and stay in a “loveless marriage” Many people have different perspectives and perceptions of what a loveless marriage is or lacks.
By loveless there are people who think it means sexless to others it may be the type of relationship that will lack intimacy and closeness or possibly an affair marriage is the norm.
Of course intercourse or sex could be happening but the emotional closeness is not there for reasons for one partner or both. The couple will go through the motions without the emotions behind it.
Reasons For Staying In The Marriage
Sometimes people chose to stay in a loveless marriage or their partner is having an affair, because they have children and they don’t want to put the children through a divorce.
In other instances there could be the financial burdens or limitations that will stop you from walking away. Still other times, you are firm in your commitment to your marriage.
You believe that marriage is forever and you, quite admirably, don’t want to take the easy way out. There are strategies that you could use to cope with these type of marriages which I will touch on again.
If You Are Not Happy in The Marriage Then Don’t Stay
It is also important that you do realise that you do not have to stay in a relationship that is not healthy for you.
You can turn a marriage without love completely around with a little bit of effort, openness, and patience. I’ll discuss this more in the following article.
Never define your marriage based on expectations of others: Loveless marriage, implies that there was never any love between the spouses or that it will never happen.
This perception is limited and does little to help the cause. It would be better to see that your marriage is experiencing a rough patch which is showing a lack of intimacy.
This is not to say that you cannot reignite the feelings of love. When you make assumptions it will create problems and will not resolve anything for you.
Keeping It All Between Each Other
It is important that you do not concern yourself with others thoughts or expectations. Your marriage is your concern not anybody elses, the way the media portrays relationships that we should be all over each other all the time, then if this is not the case then there is something wrong.
With that said, most married couples do have a bond and a commitment that binds them which is based on shared feelings of intimacy, closeness, and understanding.
If these components are lacking doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you. It just means that you have some work to do.
There is no need to concern yourself with other peoples expectations in regards to your marriage. Only you and your spouse can decide that.
Don’t allow others to make you feel that you lack or do something else or please others. Define what you and your spouse need to be happy and to feel connected and concentrate only on that.
Why You (And Your Family) Deserve So Much More Than A Loveless Marriage:
Many people stay in this type of marriage because they think that it’s the best thing for the kids or because they “don’t want to hurt anyone” .
But, if you think that your children or your spouse don’t catch onto the fact that something is lacking, you’re probably mistaken.
Children are very perceptive, and parents who aren’t affectionate or closely bonded are modeling the type of marriage that your children may well grow up and have.
Counselors are very fond of saying that the greatest gift that you can give your child (and to yourself) are two parents who are happy and who love each other.This sounds cliche, but I believe it to be completely accurate.
You and your spouse are modeling how to live, interact, and connect for your children. They do grow up and will know only what they have observed.
They may well sense or even witness that your household isn’t like others, but it’s more likely than not that they’ll live (at least on some levels) similarly to you.
To say the least they will be affected if they grow up in a home that lacked love and laughter.
This is to inform you only and there is no reference to your child rearing ways. I’m telling you this hoping that you can see that although your intentions are very honorable and unselfish, they may not be as healthy for your children as you had hoped.
Creating Changes In The Relationship
Turning around a marriage that is loveless. There is a possibility that you choose to read this article as you could be going through the motions of not having intimacy.
This is a habit that can be broken, just like any other. Somebody has to make the first move. Since you care then let it be you.
Feelings of being vulnerable and you may hesitate to initiate, but being proactive is better cause then you will see results.
You really have two options here. Honesty with your partner, where you can talk and discuss the lack of intimacy and work through to change things.
It is important that you make it mutually beneficial and fun, so keep it light and upbeat when you have this conversation.
Or you can start the change yourself with your own actions. Wanting to make the change is a very positive action to take which you can take control yourself. It will be up to you to initiate the intimate gestures. It is advisable to start in small ways first.
Shoot for loving glances, spontaneous laughter, or the brush of a hand or shoulder. Do not put pressure onto yourself and do go slowly. But, over time, your goal is to slowly improve things so that physical touch and emotional closeness don’t feel so foreign and awkward.
Finding Your Own Happiness: While your making these small changes in your marriage, it’s important to look at yourself and your own fulfillment and happiness.
In a nutshell you cannot give what you do not have yourself. You can not be lighthearted and playful with your partner if you’re depressed or not fulfilled within your own heart. What is best if people focus on what actually does make them happy as an individual, then it is easier to become a happier couple as it will fall into place more easily.
You will be more open to receiving any pleasure and you will be able to give and take as you have learned to be responsible for and participate in your own happiness. In other words, you don’t need for your spouse to provide this for you, but you want them to share this with you and you set it up to make this so.
It was my partner, not me, that felt that the marriage was loveless and they did threaten to end it all for good. I knew that it wasn’t over for me and I refused to give up. But, for a long time I drew on negative emotions rather than positive ones.
This seriously backfired. Fortunately, I did see that this did not work for me and I did change direction. Eventually, I was able to not only restore my husband’s love, but to change the dynamics of our marriage.
Seeking more information you can go to www.aamft.org/